Life to be lived
by Yakko Warner's twin
Summary: Summary inside


Life to be lived

Summeray: After order 66 Stardust must cope in a new life finding two men who wish to raise her

Disclaimer: I own no one but, Coraline. Drexin, Padawan Stardust Fenisha, and Eric

This is my first full chap story so odn't kill me

Chapter 1:Rebuilding

~Stardust's pov~

Today we will lay my best friend to rest for eternity. My guilt for my part in her death haunts me now and likely I shall have that burden for the rest of my life. If not for my selfish wish to prove once and for all she did, she would have gone on living out her natural life. She and Rex may not have lived blissfully but at least she would have lived. Master Skywalker's arrogance and selfish wants brought Ahsoka to her demise.

Even with others around I feel alone. As hard as I try I cannot keep my grief at bay for long. Once again I must prepare myself for living alone. If Master will not accept me into his new home I cannot in good conscience force him to stay with me or even allow me to gain a permanent place in his life. Eric, Drexin and Anakin I feel responsible for but I do not feel as if I can have them in my life as they were. At the moment things must continue between us for the sake of everyone's comfort. Anakin…it hurts to even think his name although I have walked in his shoes before so I do feel some empathy for hismental incapacity. If not for his unreasonable jealousy that lead to insanity and desperation Ahsoka would be alive and possibly be at my side.

Releasing Soka's body to Rex had been an act of courtesy and respect for his lover. The authorites were happy to give every consideration to such an important man of society and I suspect more out of respect for Ahsoka. Normally an investigation would have to have been made but we, Rex, Master and I, had talked and agreed that Soka's death should be ruled an accident. Meg is in no fit state to be judged for taking Christine's life. As for myself I feel enough harm has been done. I want no more deaths on my conscience. Drexin will reside in an apartment with Eric while his mind heals. Should he need a doctor's services I will provide the funds so the best in the land may attend him. I cannot feel animosity against Drexin. What I feel is great sadness for everyone concerned.

Rex bears no real fault in this although I would like to lift much of my sins from my own shoulders and place them onto his. Knowing of his weakness for alcohol I goaded him to drink more and then still more. Once I had him intoxicated beyond the point of clear thought I found his anger just below the surface. Using his anger against him had been all too easy. Where I led he followed like a lamb to slaughter.

Even poor misguided Drexin is less guilty than I. Why could I not show him even a little kindness or appreciation for his devotion but then I did not favor Eric with praise for all his service during the last two years either. Why would a self absorbed girl such as I bother with a lowly performer in one of my side shows? Poor misguided Drexin. The parallel between her obsession and my own so many years ago is not lost on me.

Master and I is the only truly innocent parties in all of this. Even Ahsoka must take her share of the blame. All along she must have known sometihne was up with Master Skywalker. Did she not confess that very thing to me upon our first meeting in her rooms shortly after my arrival? Sadly her motive I believe was much the same as mine when I first plotted to bring her here. Both of them needed one last chance to see if our friendship had been sustained and something could come of it.

It is too soon for me to see that my master is to come to grips, thinking he must be strong and not lose his head. Cursing and shouting or rampaging around will do no one any good and will only frighten me.

I do not know him yet as a second father should he know what happened to my parents but he will. My letter to Eric beseeching him to stay for a while and ease himself out of my life, and he will not stay to comfort his friend, thoughI need it for sure. I now know why Eric distanced himself from us and used drink to cloud his mind. Those in pain use different methods to relieve it if only for a short time.

Eric let his bitterness and suspicions drive a wedge between him and his brothers. How can I blame him? He had good reason to be suspicious. Did I not take the first opportunity afforded me to reenter his life and cause havoc by doing so? At the time I didn't care. I thought myself to be in the right for I carried mother's declaration of love to me all these years in my heart and soul.

~Later~

Master must've looked in on me no less than ten times over the last few hours. Partially it is to assure himself he is truly here and he had not had a horrid nightmare and none of what he thought happened had occurred. My mind has off and on wrestled with whether I would rather have Ahsoka be alive and happy with Rex or dead and decaying.

It is a testament to how much I have changed over the hours that I can see others pain and feel sympathy for them. When in Kaymontio only my own hurts concerned me. Even Ahsoka at times bore the brunt of my anger toward the world. I would never have harmed her intentionally but if someone or something displeased me our lesson for that day would be one where I shouted and belittled her until I brought her to tears-by accident of course. Per apes sleepign will help me copw

~Obi-Wan's pov~

Poor Dusty is sleeping and I hope she remains so for a little longer. I have no words to give her that might ease her grief for my own is nearly debilitating. We will not speak of Ahsokajust yet. The wound is too fresh. Eric came yesterday looking much as he used to. Addiction to mind altering substances is not an easy habit to rid oneself of after years of reliance on it to make it through each day. Eric has many difficult days ahead of him but Stardust will give him incentive to break the chains of his dependence on drink.

I do regret being the one to tell Eric he will not father her. It was hurtful and thoughtless of me. It was not my place to do so. Had I not wanted to grind the fact of my legitimate claim to her in Eric's face I wouldn't have told him of his betrayal or made that ridiculous bet with him. I wanted to unman him even more than he already was and at the same time boost my own manhood. I am not proud of my boorish behavior. Neither of us acted as gentlemen should. Starudst should be the one to make the decision whether or not she stayed or left with Eric. How did we come to think that the final decision was ours to make and do so? All along it hads been for Stardust to say who she would live and walk beside for the remainder of her days.

Worries fill my waking hours. What is to become of us all? How will we make this work? Eric must be a part of Dusty's life as I shall be. I cannot in good conscience abandon her.

Come what may we must make this work. An unconventional family we may be but a family is what we are. If everyone had not disbanded they would be welcome to stay and become a part of this unorthodox alliance. Drexin ran to ground as did his sister. Whether or not they will return time will tell.


End file.
